Hope.

“We live in the hope.” Three months ago, this would have been a cheeky motivational quote I heard in a Super Soul Sunday Podcast, which I wrote in my notebook because it sounded interesting, but never paid much attention too. Two months ago, I would have thought to myself, ‘that which you seek, seeks you,’ I was looking for hope and inspiration and it found me. Now, it’s become a mantra. A way to get through each and every trying day. It’s become a beacon of light to me, reminding me that inside every cloud is a rainbow, you simply have to get through the cloud to see the beauty.

It’s been hard to find the words to describe the events of the last few months; the entire experience has been surreal and difficult to process. Honestly I don’t think I’ve even begun to process my emotions entirely, because I’m still in survival mode. I’m still fighting, for myself, for my family, for my husband. Everyday, I wake up and fight for the life we want, and all along I have had friends and family telling me what a positive attitude I have. Yet I would be lying if I said I was always upbeat and positive; what I am is hopeful. I am hopeful that each day will be a little bit better than the last; I am hopeful that his entire nightmare is meant to bring greater love and joy to my family; I am hopeful that this entire nightmare will be used to serve others in a profound way; I am hopeful that this is all part of a bigger plan, which I just don’t understand yet.

By definition, Hope is a “feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” My Hope, throughout this entire situation, is not to be confused with an optimistic outlook. Optimism often involves an overestimate of a situation, an almost unrealistic confidence. My outlook goes beyond optimism, to a true belief and expectation that everything will be better than okay. Everything will get a little better everyday, not simply because of confidence, but because I expect nothing different. There are no other options than to believe that everything will work out, and this wearisome time will serve us in a way which we never expected. This time has led us down a different path than we were headed originally; and perhaps this entire ordeal was the way to correct our heading towards greater purpose.

December is the season of Hope and Joy; “the thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices. For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.” Meaning that even in the presence of suffering, there is reason for hope. This is one of the true meanings behind Christmas; even when weary, we must rejoice; we must just hold on to our hope that tomorrow is a new day bringing comfort and joy. In the darkest moments over the last two months, I chose to hold onto hope. Hope that tomorrow is a better day; hope for the future as well as the present. I have clung to hope, and lived in it, and it has helped pull us through.

I choose hope every day.